Congrats Kak Mod!

Hello everyone, it's been a while, how's life going so far?
Going well?

Messed up?

Whatever it is, I hope you're doing fine, always. Even if you're currently not, I hope you will, soon.

Tonight, just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine suddenly texted me that Maudy Ayunda announced her marriage with a Korean-American guy she met at Stanford University. I really did not have any idea since I have been so far from any hot news about artists, influencer or whatsoever (unless it's Kpop thingy, of course) due to the fact that my phone is running out of memory. Sigh. I needed to uninstall lots of apps, Instagram was one of them. I just opened it through website sometimes, so don't look for me (I mean, who knows?!).

Well, back to the topic, Maudy Ayunda is married, she is officially a wife of someone who graduated from Columbia University in the city of New York and Stanford University. Oh how did I know that? The answer is Twitter, of course, you just need to scroll down a bit then you will find everything there since Maudy became the trending topic. I scrolled down for a bit and woohoo!, the background of Maudy's husband is as stellar as Maudy's. What a good pair!

Speaking of which, Maudy's life seems so perfect that I bet everyone wants to try it once, at least. And so do I. Like, who wouldn't? Even someone on Twitter said Maudy is a symbol of family-education-work-love life balance. Sounds so nice, doesn't it? Coming from wealthy family (I mean, their parents worked hard to get all the wealth, of course), Maudy could optimize the privilege and seized all the opportunities provided. She worked hard, I know. It's not easy peasy lemon squishy. She got the best education a kid could ever ask for, international schools in Jakarta before going to Oxford University and Stanford University where she met her husband. Career? Everyone here in Indonesia knows her. She's famous for her arts (singing and acting), while maintaining her education as her top priority. Who didn't admire her? I am just one of her biggest fan.

To be completely honest, I want Maudy's life. I wanna try her shoes. I am curious, how does it feel to live a a perfect (from my pov) life? When money ain't a problem? Being a genius in both academic and arts wise? Having a settled love life? It sounds so surreal that I thought I would only happen in fairy tales. But she lives it. It happens, it is real. However, I don't have the audacity even just to imagine, I mean, I could, but I don't think it's wise enough. Because I will start to compare myself with her. Because I will start to overthink, again. Because I will be endlessly insecure, again. HAHAHA what a pity of me. Our starting points are just different. Her starting point is just ahead of mine, can't be denied. While she could get most of things which required money easily, I was struggling even almost desperate that I felt like I worked only for plane tickets to go home. Sad but true. So, I guess even if I want the same finish line, I don't think the pace would be the same, the time I'll be taking will equal to hers. So that's that. 

I am not being pessimistic right now, trust me. I have a grand design of my future already. Even how my tomorrow will be. I wanna do this, I wanna do that. I will be wearing that clothes, I will eat that meals etc etc. I aim a bright future as well, as bright as Maudy, and if possible, brighter one. Yet, I am just trying to be realistic. Not that I am afraid I'm not gonna make it, I am just telling myself I need to go extra miles to get what I want, I need to work my ass off to turn the table. Actually lots of questions pop in my head right now: can I? will I? 

I suddenly remember one thing "why worry over something that's already written down thousands years even before you're created?". This is so relieving that all I need is keep believing. And trying. Maudy may get her fancy life, but will own mine as well. Maybe a little bit different but I hope, it will make me feel content inside and out. 

Wuah, it's just my mumble lol. Anyhow, congratulations on your wedding, Kak Mod! I hope to see you around, soon!