Being Twenty Two

Hi guys, how 's life? Hope you guys are always surrounded by blessings. 

K. What I want to talk about for today may be rubbish, hhhh I just don't have any idea. I want to talk about the dilemma I just experienced as I turned 22. Twenty two, neither too old nor too young. As I getting older, I wish I got much mature as well, yet, I still dunno yet the phase I am on now. Am I mature yet? Am I wise enough to be 22 year old girl?

Lately, I had so much thought on mind, even for simple matters somehow I just overthought about it. I just kept questioning, why is it like this? Why it should be like that? Why am I here? Do I belong here? Does it suit me? And so on, and so on. I dunno if it's just me, or else feels the same way. Is it normal to feel these absurd yet indescribable feelings? Maybe I just reached at my peak point of life, where my idealism and realistic sense fought a lot. 

Lemme give ya examples, like somehow I doubt myself for being this way. I mean, why I was too late to taste bunch of experiences, why I took too long just to get myself ready, and why I got easily bored over something. I am not that type of person who blame myself so much, yet, somehow I keep questioning this and that. Actually, it is not only about myself, but also about my love life, about my friendship, about my dream, about my family, about my career. I just got packs of thoughts on mind. And I realize, overthinking hurts, these days.

And you know what, lots of people wonder why I am happy all the time, why it seems like I don't have any problems, that I always laugh out loud. They asked me so many times. But actually, what it seems doesn't always what actually happens. Sometimes I just successfully cover so many stories, keep it all bottled up and crying inside. Despite looking so tough, I also have some vulnerable parts of me that I can't either show or tell. Somehow, in many situations, when it feels so hard and heavy, I keep everything on my hand, not because I don't wanna tell, yet the truth is, I can't tell, or else it'll lead me to the more complicated condition.

I guess, being mature itself is hard. To be called an adult is difficult. It's about taking risks, taking risk, taking risk and being responsible for every choice we take. It's quite exhausting, even more when we don't understand what's actually going on. Like for instance, the moral value of something appear after we've done it, we can't get the explanation in prior, so that somehow we keep questioning while do something we aint so sure about. Maybe the old but gold sentence of "learning is sure a long long process, we learn from mistakes" is true. And I am still trying to learn, and to understand.

I know this post is pointless as well, it may not has any advantages for you, but I am trying to deliver what I've kept for a while.

Xx.